I hate to admit to this, but I havnt been to church in almost a year. My heart has grown bitter over time. I dont understand why I am not married, dont have kids, almost like I want everything I dont have. I have prayed and prayed and still nothing. So, I just got out of the habit of going to church. Recently I am been wanting to go back, not sure whether to stay at the same one or try another one. I have Gone to the same church all my life so it seemed so scary to start over.
So this morning I went to the same church. I really enjoyed it, all the people had missed me and made me feel like I was supposed to be there. I honestly do want to have a closer walk with God. I know deep down it will make so much differance. I feel so empty because of not having a man, or child, or my friends there when I want them. I have to realize they all have new lives now and cant just drop everything for me. Why is it I cant just talk to God when I want to talk to somebody, when Im lonely, he's always there, and always ready to listen.
I just hope I can be the woman he wants me to be.....
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